Overcoming Obstacles.

I can’t force myself to be happy anymore. All the fakeness that I make myself believe is true, is catching up to me. It’s driving me crazy. Having so many mixed emotions in my head I never know what to do or how to feel about things. I've been making myself think that I'm fine because I don’t want to be miserable and I don’t want to miss him. But I do.. And I can’t help it. I am to the point where I don’t want to do anything besides sit and mope around feeling bad. It’s like nothing else matters, when really, everything matters. I just can’t get it across in my head that I need to wake up and do what’s right, and what’s best for me at the same time. I don’t ever feeling like communicating to people, but I always force myself because that’s what keeps me going it seems. It’s just so hard being by myself and doing things on my own after I haven’t for so long. I always had his opinion there to help me make choices and to help me through things. And now I find out he’s most likely talking to another girl. I don’t see how he could move on so fast, and not even have the courage to tell me. Of course, it’s not for sure… but it’s the only thing that makes sense for him treating me the way he does and continuing to not really talk to me. It really hurts. It’s so hard for me to tell people how I really feel. I always say things that I know I should be saying, but really don’t mean them. It’s like tug-of-war. If I say something, I'm actually feeling the opposite. I don’t bother telling anyone because I guess I just don’t care. I don’t think anyone could ever understand what I'm truly feeling, because honestly I don’t either. I know I need to keep going. And keep trying. But I just need to get some things figured out. I think that will allow me to in the future. I'm already pretty sure of the outcome, but I just want to be sure. And I know I’ll just be going through the same things I've been trying to overcome. It’s just something that needs to happen for my heart to completely heal.