I've been finding myself in a slump lately. I never feel like doing anything. I have become very self-conscious and I always feel like the biggest person on the planet. I hate this feeling. I feel so ugly and horrible. I just wish so much that I could be someone else. Or change myself. I know that you should not be envious of others, but sometimes you just can't help it. I have lost almost all confidence in myself. I partially blame it on "this one guy" because he has made me feel so worthless & like i'm not good enough.. especially when I have done nothing, which makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I really wish I could be like one of those girls who don't care what others think and who have enough confidence in themselves to not feel down all the time. That would be one of the main things I would change about myself. I hate having to look around and see all these beautiful girls, and then there is just plain ol' boring me. But what I have come to realize is that all those girls look the same. I'd rather be my own person than look like everybody else. That I am thankful for. I used to cry about seeing pretty girls because I would get so jealous. Now it still bothers me, but I am more accepting.
But anyway..
I've been talking to quite a few guys lately which is weird for me. I've already turned down 2 of them. I talked to my ex boyfriend the other night which was cool. We had kinda sorta stayed in touch the past 4 years. He was my first boyfriend, and an amazing one at that. We have both changed a lot though. I've also been talking to some old guy friends that I havent talked to since me & "that one guy" were together.. which was about a year and a half. It feels nice to be able to talk to some of my old really good friends. But for some reason I feel partially guilty about it, because I know he would not like it, and sadly i'm still for some reason trying to be loyal to him. I know I shouldn't be, but in my heart it feels like the right thing to do. And i'm one of those people who believes in following your heart.
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well for one josie..you are very beautiful!!!! and dont tell yourself different. the world has a stereotype on beauty..and its dumb because thats not what beauty is about. we were all created wonderfully ..and were all unique. each person is a masterpiece... and has beauty in their own way. we might not all be the 115 pounds...blue eyes..blonde hair type of beauty.. but we each are beautiful! dont ever get down on yourself about that..i used to all the time. there are still times that im not self confident at all...and i guess thats why im trying to lose weight.. but... we have to hold to the fact..that there is not another person out there like us that can match OUR kind of beauty! i understand being in a slump..ive been there for awhile... but just continue growing yourself-and you'll come out of it. you wont always feel this way.
ReplyDeleteand.. i think its okay of you to talk to other guys. its not like anythings happening..and you really have every right to talk to whoever you would like at this time.
i do understand still wanting to be loyal... and u can..but just dont stress about when u talk to one guy..because he cant fault you for it...